33 — Relationships, Expectations, and Anger

In the previous blog, we talked about relationships as they’re usually formed (my concept of you interacting with your concept of me) and true (higher self) relationships. One of the characteristics of my relating to a concept of you, or to a concept of how everyone should behave in certain circumstances (standing in line, for example), or to how the world should be (fair and just, for example) is that these concepts become expectations of how things should be (see #27 — Our Lives Are Ruled by the Rules of Our Lives).

A major reason we form these concepts is that it gives us a sense of security and safety—the “us” and “we” referred to here are the little selves, not the higher selves. This perceived security and safety relieves our anxiety and allays the fear—at least in this one area—under which the little self continually exists and behaves.

But, when things don’t turn out the way we’ve defined them to be, we get angry as a way of trying to force them to meet our expectations, to control them, to express our frustration. In essence, we’re not meeting the Universe as it is but as some fantasy we’ve imagined it to be. This fantasy is the concept we’ve projected onto underlying reality, and now we expect that fantasy to be reality.

So, I define what I expect to see; I interact with it and behave towards it as though that’s what it is; and then I get angry when it’s something other than what I say it is!

The little self has an extreme need to be right—and, if necessary, to make others wrong. And it gets angry when it can’t validate itself through its “rightness”—rightness in beliefs, decisions, interpretations, etc.

If it perceives any “wrongness,” because of its extreme insecurity it tries to make it fit its perception. And when it can’t, it throws a temper tantrum—usually projecting the “wrongness” onto the other. And when the other isn’t another person, then the ultimate target of the anger is God/the Universe.

All of this—the anger, the frustration, the exasperation—comes from “perceiving” everything (incorrectly/incompletely) through the little self, rather than Perceiving it from the higher/quantum self.

And the small moments of anger, which we usually bury and never fully release, build upon each other to create massive amounts of under-the-surface anger which, with each “wrongness,” erupts often out of all proportion to the perceived situation.

The alternative is to quit “seeing” everything from the mind (i.e., through the little self) and start seeing everything from the higher self (through the body/heart) without mind interpretation. Some things you will see in much the same way as before, but you will see them much more deeply and completely, and therefore be able to respond authentically.

Note: There’s nothing authentic about the little self, its perceptions, or its responses. Even when the response appears to be exactly what’s needed, it’s inauthentic because it was based on an incomplete perception.

This is an expansion of #32 — Setting Right Relationships. It is all about our relationships with everything in our world—not just about relationships with other human beings. When these relationships are through our higher selves, they are authentic, in the moment, ever-changing, and able to be responded to deeply and intimately.